Life Lesson: Breaking Up Isn't So Hard to Do

Best life decisions I have made in the past six months:
1. Move to a new city on my own without knowing a single soul
2. Break up with my college boyfriend

Yep, this just got real, kids.  The second decision may sound harsh, but it is the truth.  I spent two and a half years with a boy I met in college who we will call Sam (names have been changed to protect the innocent). Sam was nice and kind, but did not have the drive and zest for life that I do.  I kept putting off ending things with Sam in hopes that one day he would turn into the man that I wanted and needed.  I used to say that when we started dating he was wearing sweat pants and after about two years was wearing jeans and I was just waiting for the khaki pants to be put on, his "big boy pants." Unfortunately, it became quite apparent that those pants were not going to fit him.

At first the thought of moving on from Sam was terrifying to me. I tried to convince myself for a long time that I could live the life Sam wanted in a small town with no aspirations for something more.  I tried to convince myself that Sam could one day live the life I wanted in a city with room to grow.  I tried to convince myself that the way Sam treated me would improve.  I tried to convince myself that he would one day realize that he was lucky to have me and would appreciate me. I tried to convince myself of all of these things, but in February  I stopped trying to convince myself and started to live for myself and myself only. I realized in trying to hold on to something for the sake of not hurting Sam that I was actually hurting myself. At that point I no longer factored Sam into my decision making.  I actually took him completely out of it. I decided to bide my time until I felt I was ready to let go of this part of my life.

So if you are a math whiz you are realizing that the decision I made did not come in February 2011 because that is longer than six months.  You are correct.  One of the worst things I did was not end things with Sam sooner.  I held on until June 2011.  I was afraid of ruining the end of the school year and wanted to try and enjoy the time that I had even though our relationship was completely dysfunctional. 

It took me one week of being on my own in Louisville to break up with Sam.  Things came to a head when Sam told me my decision to move was selfish and inconsiderate. I knew at that point that there was never going to be a change of heart for Sam.  He would never understand why I needed to move somewhere on my own.  I needed to prove to myself that I could and go on an adventure. I had to bite the bullet and tell Sam the one thing I knew would hurt him most in the world.  I had to tell him I was no longer in love with him and hadn't been for quite a while.  And that was that.

Sad story, huh?  Then why is the title of this post, "breaking up isn't that hard to do"? Because in my case it wasn't hard. Of course I did not want to hurt Sam, but I also had been grieving about losing this relationship for about six months.  I had moved past it in my head and all of my hurt came mostly before we actually broke up.  I detached myself from him in order to protect myself.  When we finally did break up I was able to see the reasons why it was for the best immediately.  I cried for one day and that was it.  All of my other crying came while I was still in the relationship. Looking back, I think I ended the relationship at exactly the right time.  It was a great springing step into my new life.  A complete fresh start.

Wisdom to share:
1. When you love someone you want their happiness to come first, but not when it means sacrificing your own.
2. Everything happens for a reason and at the right time. 
3. There is a big difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone
4. Be true to you


Not all of my posts will be this intense....promise!